12.05.2008

(copyright Jan 2003, Amanda Bland)


Celebrate My Life

Go ahead and invite me to feel
as low and lost as you do
(yeah)
you said you've seen the road ahead
and that I'd be a fool
but I'd be a bigger fool to follow you

I will celebrate my life
educate my mind
run a race against time
you might say that
I don't need your welcome mats
I can draw my own maps
i don't care what he said, she said, he said, she said

Your bittersweet circles of gossip
don't diagnose my problems
it ain't no mystery that I got 'em
(no)
this pride will eat you up inside
who died and made you queen
you'll never be my queen

I will celebrate my life
educate my mind
run a race against time
you might say that
I don't need your welcome mats
I can draw my own maps
i don't care what he said, she said, he said, she said

you mope around
tell the crowd about your loss
and all the tears it cost you
the years will pass by
you'll still be hiding from the truth
you threw away your youth
(yeah)

I will celebrate my life
educate my mind
run a race against time
you might say that
I don't need your welcome mats
I can draw my own maps
I don't care what he said, she said, he said, she said


www.ourstage.com

2 comments:

Gavin McGraw said...

It may seem like I'm getting picky with this song, but it's only because I think it has great potential. With that in mind, I'll treat this song as if it were a work in progress.

You begin with in great modal harmonic environment in the verse and switch to major in the chorus. This is a good device and I would like to see more contrast between them and at the same time a smoother transition, especially from the chorus back into the verse.

Some of this will depend on the production, for example I think this song screams out for a bass player (at least). That way you could use maybe a somewhat active bass line to set up a groove in the verse and move to pedal notes in the chorus to create more of a soaring feeling, floating on the groove.

Then in the bridge, the harmony of which I really like by the way, the bass and drums could dig in a little more for a harder edge. These are only arranging things that I would do and you can decide how you want to do this yourself, but the point is again the importance of contrast, along with a sense of unity through that contrast.

You have some examples of talking around an idea without referencing it directly, but there are some lines I feel need a better setup (he said, she said...) in order to make sense. That may be a bias of mine, but I need to hear a clear distinction between the ideas you want to be clear to the audience and those which you want to leave abstract. Otherwise it seems like I should be getting it but I wonder why I don't.

You use melodic rhythms nicely here ("bigger fool to follow you", "it ain't no mystery that I got 'em"), and some internal rhymes. This kind of thing can become contrived if you cram too much interesting stuff in, but I think you could freely add some more rhythmic variety to the melody and subtle rhyming devices, as it's already part of the character of the song, and could add more unity to it.

For what it's worth, this is a song I feel could be a hit with some honest tweaking and the right producer behind it. Good work!

Amanda Bland said...

GREAT COMMENTS, GAVIN!!! I should employ you for that kind of work! thanks for the advice- i'll take it to heart.